How to Be Grateful for the Way God Creates

“Do you really believe that?” my friend asked as we finished our appetizers. As the guys discussed work, my girlfriend asked how my writing journey began. She knew I wrote about identity and belonging, she didn’t know how I started.

As she ate her wedge salad and I savored my fried calamari, I shared how I’d spent most of my life believing God loved me, but he must not like me very much. Growing up in a Christian home, I knew God didn’t make mistakes, but I was convinced he’d used a collection of pieces from his divine junk drawer when he “knit” me together. My frizzy hair seemed untamable to most stylists in my small Midwest town, while my brown skin was a constant reminder that one of these things was not like the others in my all-White family, church, and school.

When You’re a Kid, the Last Thing You Want Is to Be Different

Over the years, I did my best to correct the things about myself I felt God has missed. I used chemicals that burned my scalp but straighten my curls. I chose to sweat under long sleeves and pants during the summer and avoid outdoor activities with my family to ensure my skin would stay as light as possible.

I stayed hidden for over thirty years. Only my immediate family knew the stress my hiding caused. Many times my husband would say, “Babe, just put on a hat and come with us.” They didn’t care if my hair was straight, curly, frizzy, or smooth. They didn’t care how dark my skin got in the summer. They just wanted me to spend time with them, make memories and live outside of the trap I’d created for myself.

God, You had the whole creative pallet at your disposal. Why did you have to make me like this?

Jesus has always been a part of my story. I grew up in a Christian home, attended public & Christian schools, went to church camps in the summer. I’ve sat in many different seats at church, from volunteer to executive team member. I know my Bible. And I know it says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

In fact, Psalms 139:14-15 were two of my least favorite verses in the Bible. Their evidence confirmed God hadn’t made a mistake when He created me. They fueled my anger. I knew God had choices. I knew He’d created me like this on purpose. He knew how hard it would be to live in this shell, to feel unwanted, unseen, unworthy. And He did it anyways!

Isn’t that just like the enemy to make you believe a lie like that!

A few years ago, God convicted me in the loving, compassionate way that only He can to be willing to set aside the Torrie I’d constructed to know the one He’d created.

Although I was scared, I knew it was time—time to let go of the hiding and embrace the person God created—curlys, brown skin, and all.

“It took a long time, but now I understand that God did have every creative element at his disposal when He created me,” I told my friend. “And I see that He chose every cell meticulously and it is good. Now I look at my reflection and love the woman I see. And I believe He wants that for each of us.”

I Started Praising God for the Way He Made Me

A few years ago, I read Psalms 139:14-15 again and noticed a phrase I’d passed over countless times before. Perhaps because I wasn’t ready to accept them. Before David proclaims “I am fearfully and wonderfully made,” he says, “I will praise you.”

Praise Him?

I’d blamed Him, accused Him . . . but praise Him? That’s something I’d never considered. Praise Him for my hair and skin, for the ways He’s divinely created me, beautifully and purposefully.

With glassy eyes full of tears, I began to shift my mindset and language. Sitting there alone in my bedroom, I prayed for forgiveness for trying to change and hide the woman God created so the version I deemed more socially acceptable, could shine. I specifically praised Him for the things about myself I’d spent decades trying to change or hide.

Something shifted. The frustration and contempt I felt for God and myself was replaced with gratitude.

Maybe it’s not your hair or skin. But each of us have something we wish God had done differently when he created us. What would it look like for you to praise Him for creating you just as you are, no buts or exclusions? What would it feel like to be able to look at your own reflection with gratitude for the divine way God knit you together?

Meet Torrie Sorge

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Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.

If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.

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If you would like to cultivate rhythms in addition to gratitude that will empower you live on mission in your neighborhood, check out Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase the book.