How to Remain Calm When You're Feeling Slighted

There’s a kind of peace that makes you calm even when you’re feeling slighted. That softens your face, lets silence speak first.

You won’t know until you’re in the hot seat that all the days before made a difference. But the truth is that you don’t learn to look like Jesus when the pressure amplifies. You learn in it in ordinary moments, at an everyday pace.

As I write, I’m playing a song on repeat because I can’t get over this one line in Bristol House’s “Abide”: “I’ve seen You in the light so I will find You in the dark.”

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to wait until I’m suddenly in the dark to discover how well I know Jesus. I want to discover now the contours of His face and truths of His nature. Study now His wisdom and promise-saturated Word. Cherish now His familiar voice. Praise Him now for who He is nevertheless.

It’s been said that we show what we’re made of when we’re squeezed. But maybe you’ve been there, or that’s you today, and you don’t like what you see.

You’re on edge.

Frustrated.

Defensive.

Bitter.

The good news is that we can start getting to know, know Jesus from exactly where we are today. No one gets to go back and do a few things over. But we can make tomorrow different. And we start today.

I like simple. If you and I were sitting in my front yard, settled comfortably into my favorite hammock lawn chairs, and you told me that you were offended and couldn’t let it go, here’s what I’d share. Two things. Two things you can start today that will help you stay calm when life feels unfair.

1. Give God Access to Your Life

This is crucial, so I’d start here. God doesn’t force Himself through our crusty exterior. But He comes every single time He’s invited. He also answers prayers like, “Jesus, help me want to want You right now.”

Your honesty doesn’t deter God. It endears you to Him because it gives Him access to the deep places in your heart, and He longs to be near and known by you. Bring your questions and hesitations, your laundry list of limitations, the shame you’ve been packing around. Bring your pent-up anger and stubborn sarcasm. Bring the commitments you’ve broken. Bring your unworthiness.

It’s not too much for God. He won’t walk away. You can’t convince Him to stop loving you.

Let Him meet you where it hurts. Where you’ve lost hope in Him, yourself, the good in the world. Let Him take all you’ve been carrying solo.

He’s strong enough. Kind enough. Willing enough.

I like to talk with God in a whisper or on paper. Articulating specific words helps me to be honest. Here are a few ideas to try:

Pick somewhere private enough where you can talk with God out loud while you walk or run.
Write out your prayer in a journal, notebook, or Notes app on your phone.
Use Jennifer Dukes Lee’s guided journal, Stuff I’d Only Tell God: A Guided Journal of Courageous Honesty, Obsessive Truth-Telling, and Beautifully Ruthless Self-Discovery. Jennifer calls it “your own little confession booth.”

Honesty opens the door, but I don’t want to leave you there, because to give God full access means that we must also be willing to respond when He brings something to our attention. We welcome His honest look into the crevices of our lives and uncover all that throws up walls.

His gaze that exposes us simultaneously heals us.

God trains us because He loves us, as Hebrews 12:6 reminds me:

For the Lord’s training of our life is the evidence of his faithful love, and when he draws you to himself, it proves that you are his delightful child.
TPT

But what happens if you’re not ready to be honest yet? If you can’t even muster the words, “Help me want to want You”?

Two practices that I’ve found key to a soft heart are spending time on my knees and keeping a gratitude journal.

Ann Voskamp touches on both in One Thousand Gifts, in the chapter titled “Go Lower.” She writes,

I must go lower. I tell myself this, watching water run. That whenever I am parched and dry, I must go lower with the water and I must kneel low in thanks. The river of joy flows down to the lowest places.
pg. 173

Her words echo a promise tucked into Psalm 22:26,

Bring Yahweh praise and you will find him. Your hearts will overflow with life forevermore.
TPT

Gratitude teaches me to name the good in right-now even when God’s not done yet. The physical posture of surrender teaches my heart to follow. Both help me practice honesty and also welcome God being honest with me.

2. Give Others Access to Your Life

The second tip for maintaining your calm I would tell you about as we chatted over the rustle of leaves and cheery bird talk is to give other people access to your life. It feels safer, I know, to keep your honest conversation with God private. But we sell ourselves short of growth and community when we let fear build walls.

We sell ourselves short of growth and community when we let fear build walls.

Jennie Allen says it this way in Find Your People:

Whenever I hide behind my walls with the doors locked tight to keep out the potential of being misunderstood, or wronged, or devastated, or disappointed, or disillusioned, or mistreated, or hurt, I’m also keeping out the good things—everything we are built to crave: being encouraged, being held accountable, being seen, being loved, being known.

Goodness knows most of us won’t get here overnight. If you feel overwhelmed, remember that the direction is more important than the pace. Give yourself grace to open up slowly. Pray for wisdom on when and where it’s good, right, and safe to share.

One baby step at a time you’ll find yourself showing up without masks, titles, or walls. You’ll let yourself be you, and known. And with accountability and community, you’ll start to change. What’s inside will look increasingly more like Jesus, and when you’re squeezed, you’ll see how what you’ve been practicing makes a world of a difference.

A Prayer for the One Feeling Slighted

Jesus, teach us to give You access to both the tender and calloused places in our hearts. Help us be brave enough to bring you our honest prayers and confessions. Welcome the way You lead and train us. Name the ways You’re good, what we know is true of You, even when You’re not done yet. May we be quick to talk to You on our knees, and may we find growth and community as we also give people near us access to our lives.

Just a friend over here in your corner,

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