I have to be honest with you, Dear Reader.

I don’t like hearing NO – especially when it involves the things most sacred to me.

For me, people will always matter most in this life. There have been countless prayers I’ve offered up to Jesus, thanking Him for the ones I’m blessed to have by my side. But the raw, heart-tugging prayers I’ve laid before my King often surface when harsh experiences hit home and the need leaves me desperate on my knees.

In those moments, I think I know which answer is best. I think God’s YES should resound throughout all circumstances in my loved ones’ lives, not to mention my own. Yes, He will provide the job. Yes, He will heal the disease. Yes, He will fulfill the dream. In my understanding, I think the loving answer should be the one that avoids the most pain.

He tells us He is our good Father. Why wouldn’t He want to provide, protect, and prevail? And we are His precious children. The ones He promises to carry close to His heart. Why would He say NO to something we long for so deeply? Why would God ever answer NO?

When God doesn’t answer our way

I remember praying desperately for the Lord to heal my grandma when I was 19 years old. She was the grandparent I loved the most, and as I was becoming a young woman, I was excited for her to be a part of my adult life. I looked forward to her to being at my wedding. I wanted her to meet my children and eat dinner in my first home. I hoped to experience more of the Lord together and share memories from the milestones of life. But God allowed cancer to take her body, and the rest of us knew there would be an ever-present hole remaining behind.

All I could do was ask why?

Why did God call her home so young?

Why’d she have to die from cancer?

Why wasn’t she allowed to see the fruit of her steadfast love to our family?

This past week marks almost 20 years since she flew into the arms of Jesus, and I still don’t know why God said NO. But I do see a thread of redemption weaved through the story of her passing. I do see how God used her death to bring about new life.

My grandma experienced a life of loss, rejection and heartache few people can endure–childhood abandonment, neglect, severe anxiety, and an abusive marriage all the way to the end. My grandfather didn’t know Jesus, and honestly would not have been pushed to edge of salvation if it weren’t for my grandma’s death. He relied on her in unhealthy ways their entire marriage and placed harsh demands on her, making her his sole base of security. When she died, she gained total healing and freedom. My grandpa, however, was left with nothing but a dark, blank canvas apart from her.

He went with my parents occasionally to church, and one Sunday morning, he was listening to our pastor when the Holy Spirit clearly told him he would not be with his wife in heaven. He knew he would be going to hell, and the thought of being separated from her, but also God, made him weep until it was evening.

My mom called to check up on him later that night, and he was desperate, still crying from the reality he finally found himself in. My mom went over, preached the gospel to him, and he surrendered his life into the beautiful hands of Jesus. Less than one year later my grandfather passed from this life into the next as the lyrics “amazing love, how can it be?” echoed through his hospital room.

God used my grandma’s death to lead her husband into eternal life. The NO to our prayers ushered in my grandfather’s YES to Christ. I’m sure my grandma would not have wanted it any other way.

God’s holiest and hardest NO

I’ve encountered many other difficult NO’s in my life since then. However, God has shown me not only does He comfort us when we are suffering, He also understands what it is like to walk through a hard but holy NO.

Right before Jesus was taken away to be crucified, He prayed to the Father in the Garden of Gethsemane. Matthew 26:39 says Jesus “fell on His face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will” (NASB). I can only imagine what the Father was thinking, seeing the suffering of His beloved Son, knowing the violence and torture He was about to endure. And yet, for the sake of us, He answered His Son with a NO.

God refused the request of Jesus in order to reconcile our relationship with Him and usher in His plan of redemption. The Father could have chosen to say YES to His Son, but He decided to choose us instead. It was the holiest and hardest NO humanity has ever known. And it is the sweetest NO we will always be grateful for.

Trusting the God who understands

God understands what we are going through because He has been there. The whole Trinity identifies with our pain. The Father understands what it is like to say NO for the sake of a greater purpose. Jesus understands what it feels like when a prayer is not answered the way we hoped. The Spirit understands the tender art of surrender and the need for His empowerment to help us persevere.

We serve a God who is with us and in us and is for us, even to the point of sacrificing His Son to make us His own. We may not have the answers to our why’s, but we can be assured of His heart. We have a guarantee that every NO will be countered with a glorious and redemptive YES in Christ.

Our tears and trials will never be wasted. Instead, God will be sure to help us cultivate gratefulness, even in the hardest of situations because His compassionate presence and love will prevail.

Truly, how can it be?

Meet Becky Beresford

Where to find her . . .

• Blog
• Brave Women Series (get these stories in your inbox)
• Facebook
• Instagram
• Twitter

Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.

If you would like to contribute to Begin Within, you can find the submission guidelines here.

10 Things You Might Be Doing That Keep Your Friendships Shallow

(+ 1 Simple Habit to Shift Your Direction)

If you long for deep, meaningful relationships, this is for you!

Creating Ripples

If you would like to cultivate rhythms in addition to gratitude that will empower you live on mission in your neighborhood, check out Cultivating a Missional Life: A 30-Day Devotional to Gently Help You Open Your Heart, Home, and Life to Your Neighbors. This small book will help you make a big impact in your neighborhood as you learn to let missional living flow from the inside out. Get the 30-day missional living challenge free when you purchase the book.